One More Thing, and Then I've Got it!

It has been difficult to put my thoughts and feelings into written form since losing my incredible angel mother. Mom was always there, always eager to talk (usually just as we were eating, since there's a two-hour time zone difference), always working on a stitchery or a story, excited to share her thoughts or her garden's treasure yields (how do I bring a zucchini back to Ohio?). I can't put it all into words, that's simply the problem. I can't describe the hundreds, if not thousands of times that she helped me put things into perspective.

And one thing I haven't had to do is learn how to grieve...until now.

So I plunged wholeheartedly into something that I could do, that would be productive, that would walk me through the process without my having to think, or create major plans, or follow a set schedule. That something turned out to be my Young Women Personal Progress.

I had no idea it would help me through the grieving process. I just clung to it, like a drowning person to a lifesaver, as something I could do when I started to think too much, and cry. And it helped a lot.

Some days I would spend several hours, working on my Personal Progress. Or I would get started on another project, and I would have a meltdown, so I would go back to the ottoman in our living room, and sit and study some more, and work on my Personal Progress.

The exercises in each value gave me perspective, and gave me peace. They were almost like having my mother there in the room to talk over things with me. I could reflect upon the messages, and I could see a little more ahead, to how I want my life to be.

One of my projects was caring for her the night she died, and helping dress her body for burial, and following up with caring for her little dog Meggie and her things. I loved sharing much of that experience with my sisters. I wanted to include this time with her as a tribute to her, and to have that be a permanent part of my Personal Progress record.

Another project was working up to, and achieving, a 5K. I did that yesterday! Another was to read the Book of Mormon, which I finished last week.

There were more, of course--8 in all, each requiring a minimum of 10 hours in the project. I rearranged a file system, created a healthy recipe book, and coached someone in personal development. But I think, from the standpoint of my own pleasure, my favorite is the one I have yet to complete--the one I am working on today, and hope to finish soon. It is a song, my hymn of praise to a kind, wise Heavenly Father who allowed me to have my mother as my mother, as a sacred, important part of my life.

I don't have the music written down yet, but the music is in my head, and these are the words of my hymn:

No matter what your burdens be
They will be lightened as you humbly come to me.
My tender mercies help you face
All burdens; come child, and be held in my embrace.

When I find all around me
Is chaos and despair
I look up to the heavens
And He is always there

And when life overwhelms me
Or filled with loneliness,
I kneel and call upon Him
He reaches out to bless....me...

"Be still, and know that I am God
Peace will come in mine own due time
And you will know the love you seek,
My love sublime,
My love sublime.

These words of hope and peace and joy I wrote for you;
Come unto me and I will show you they are true

Come Unto Me! Know I Am here!
Know that I love you! I am always near.

Hey! I'm NOT Inactive!

Just a little note to let you know I'm NOT inactive; I am merely a chrysalis waiting to emerge. Give me a few more warm days and when Spring hits, I'm back on track.

Our New Baby: Christmas Love

I wish I had the expertise to really make this picture big; I'll try to do better in the future. But we are so grateful for our new little Christmas blessing: Robert Andrew Gardner.

Robbie was born December 18, after a very long and difficult labor--difficult for him, because his heart rate went down so much with each long contraction. Several times it looked like Melodie would have to have a C section, and we prayed multiple times during the day for both of them. Our little Robbie has relatively few negative anomalies--he is nursing quite well, and seems to be gaining weight. He is adorable and cute and wonderful, and we are grateful to have him here. We are also grateful for Melodie's courage, and grateful for Caitie's healing gifts and generosity, coming to work on Melodie so that a C section was not necessary.

More later... I'm having a blast with the family!

Happy Birthday to Our Jeff!

Yesterday was a special day for a very choice man--our favorite son-in-law, Jeffrey Holland Wright. Happy 25th Birthday, Jeff!

I met Jeff last year when he was Caitie's "best friend."--there wasn't any real romance, so to speak (at least, not from her perspective). She told me she thought he was incredibly handsome and super nice. But I'm glad the friendship part of their relationship is what developed first. Caitie had time to watch how Jeff handled problems, how he served, how he genuinely cared about people, and how trustworthy he is.

Then, over time, she realized she was in love with this guy. I'm so grateful for Jeff. A few weeks ago, Caitlin told me that every morning she wakes up and can't believe how blessed she is to be married to Jeff.

So they've only been married a little over 3 months, but I'd like to share some of the things I love about Jeff:

1. He is focused on serving.
2. He ADORES Caitlin--and he shows it.
3. He is willing to move out of his comfort zone to provide for her.
4. He is a willing and helpful worker.
5. He is full of kindness.
6. He is even tempered.
7. He is very bright, but
8. He is modest about it.
9. He is loyal and honest.
and 10. He fits perfectly in our family. (I love that he loves to sing!)

So, for now and for all eternity, I'm grateful that Jeff is part of our family. And--sorry, I can't resist it, even though I know it's so old--I'm glad Caitie married the Wright guy!

Breakfast, LAUNCH, and Dinner

Whew. One thing I have been learning, as I've made the adjustment from writing daily in my journal to posting more often on the website, is that my daily life doesn't typically provide fodder for a daily posting. There's a lot going on, of course, but it's just kind of challenging to take the time to think of a topic and write something worthwhile. For those who do, I salute you.

But today, I can tell you about what has been consuming our lives for the past week: our launch of Stan's new supplement line, Primivia Nutritional Supplements. As of this entry we have 108 orders for our FREE--note that--FREE bottle of supplements.

The concept of giving supplements away free is Josh's brainchild. He couldn't sleep, he was so excited about the idea. We discussed the pros and cons at length together as a family at Thanksgiving. The consensus was that when people get on the products, they will want to stay on them because they'll feel so much better. So, to get people on them, we had to create an offer so compelling they couldn't refuse.

This "compelling offer" has taken most of our waking thoughts and energies. Poor Dave did not sleep at all the night before the launch went live. We were testing links and checking prices and writing sales letters right up until the final moment. I actually did something funny--I sent everyone on our list a live link to the site, so we had about 10 people jump our launch beginning time by a few hours! The whole thing wore us out and rejuvenated us at the same time.

I have to confess that it is really exciting to see line after line on my account read "a new order was placed for Stan Gardner MD," and get new traffic to our site (way more than ever before), and I think this is a good start for an ongoing program that will help a lot of people. Heather even put a link on her blog! Pretty awesome to have a family that supports our crazy business ideas . . . or comes up with them in the first place!

Goal-Diggers, Plots and Planners

Last year, we were visiting Matt and Brit, and they showed us the exciting progress they had made on their goals. They created a chart that they posted in their bedroom of their financial progress, with space on the sides for their physical fitness goals and other achievements they wanted to accomplish during the year.

Well, it took us a while, but I'm pleased to report that I have become a "goal-digger." I dig this whole system! We drew a giant goal thermometer on a poster board and hung it over our door, so we can look at it any time we want. The thermometer contains our ginormous (to use Heather's word) financial goals, and we put little boxes to the side for our other goals.

In past years, I've gotten a little bit discouraged, because it seemed like every New Year I'd realize that I was rewriting the same old resolutions (could have saved the paper and just used it over and over). THIS year is slightly different: I have almost learned how to play two hymns on the piano (I keep track of the times I've practiced in my little boxes); we have driven to Pennsylvania and found grave sites of my ancestors, I have finished the ENTIRE Bible cover to cover, read Jesus the Christ, and the Book of Mormon.

I still have about 20 more boxes to check off with the workout section (which is cutting it pretty close), and I'm supposed to read books by C.S. Lewis and Emerson. I'm working on one with Adam Smith on the Wealth of Nations--not an easy read! But the big deal for me--what I really dig--is being able to keep track of making real progress.

On a side note, Stan's planner was lost while we were in Pokie. For us that's tantamount to disaster. Case in point: yesterday was Sunday. We came home from church pretty tired, and wanted to change out of our church clothes into jammies. Fortunately, the realtor had asked us to make the condo available for someone to come look at it, so we stayed in our suit and dress. I threw some pot pies from Costco into the oven for an easy dinner and we waited until the people came to see the house.

We were nonplussed when the doorbell rang a second time while the realtor and his group were here. It was a family coming for their son's patriarchal blessing! Yikes! They had made the appointment months ago--and it had been recorded in Stan's planner and forgotten. We remarked to each other afterward what a tender mercy it was to have the realtor bring some people by--or we would have been sitting in our jammies, eating pot pies, when they came.

Minding the Gap

This morning I read the text of a talk I heard in September about "Minding the Gap," by Barbara Thompson. It is a terrific reminder of many aspects of life, including our relationship with God as His daughters, and our relationship with each other--even our relationship with ourselves. This last concept particularly caught my attention as I thought about various areas of my life where I want to "mind"--pay attention to--the "gap"--the discrepancy between an objective and something else that distracts me from my objective.

Say for example, I wanted to "mind the gap" between what I know about health and how I choose to spend my time, eating healthy and exercising. Or "mind the gap" between wanting to be able to play the piano and how I choose to spend my time practicing (or not). You get the idea.

So I decided to make a short list of a few of the areas where I want to be more mindful of the gaps in my life. I could probably go on for pages, but it usually is most effective for me if I create a short and manageable list, so here goes:

I'm going to "mind the gap" more in these areas:
1. Ideas and Action
2. Budget and Unfrugal Expenditures (my spell check tells me "unfrugal" isn't a word. Tough).
3. Being Fully Present with People and Trying to Get the Most Done in the Least Amount of Time